This is me
by twinkels
Summary: A fanfiction written in the style of a blog by Kyle telling everyone about himself mild swearing in it and a lot of SP plot spoilers I do not own anything here
1. Chapter 1

Authors note ...this is all a fanfic and is ment to be written by Kyle in a jornal style so enjoy

Hey dudes It's Kyle here I'm not really one for blogs I guess but Stan put me on to it so here goes these are the cold hard facts about me and my life

My name ... Yeah my name is Kyle Moses Abriham Broflofski given to me by my parents it is a long name I know and a biblical name but im just know as Kyle to everyone yet sometimes if I get my full name I know it's time to hide as it means I'm in trouble lol

Im Jewish ..yeah I'm a Jew and my beliefs are very importent to me I go to the synagog every Saturday morning even though I don't want to and I will go on to have my Bar Mitzvsh their what means at the age of 13 I will become a man sounds weird I know and I have to learn Hebrew too I have been to a lot of Bar Mitzvahs in the past and it's Bat Mitzvah for a girl in my view the party later is the best part I want a fun fair and disco at mine and asked for a mountian bike hopefully I will get it but being Jewish can have its drawbacks like round about Christmas and Easter and Cartman a boy in my class is always picking on me calling me a JOO he can't even spell and he even tried to start a second Holocaust dumb asshole with Mel Gibson urgh I'd rather forget about that carry on all over a dumb movie the Passion oh and another thing everyone knows that the Holocaust is a sort of touchy subject around me as my family are origanly from Poland and I did loose family in the camps though I know quite a bit on the Holocaust I'd rather not talk about it thanks

My age ...yeah I'm 10 years old okay not a teenager or adult I am aware of the fanfictions that make me in my teens but why rush me to my teens im 10 get over it I'm still a kid I play with my toys I like watching cartoons and attend South park Elementry where my teacher is Mr Garrison yeah he's an asshole but he's okay at times and I like to think I am the smartest kid in the class but if you want help I will help you I got Kennys grades back up again

My family ...I live with my parents my mom and dad I know my mom is overpowering and she scares a lot of people and started a war with Canada once but at the end of the day she's still my mom and I love her and if anything happand to her well I don't wanna think. My mom is a stay at home mom but she is active in a lot of groups like the Jewish mothers groups and a few others she used to work in the past not sure what at but since I was born she hasent worked ..My dad is a lawer in town and makes a good wage he's a good dad and shows a great intrest in me yet at times even he was an asshole when he got that surgery to look like a Dolphin he loves Dolphins now he just sponserd them ..My Brother Issic to give him his full name or Ike is the smartest preschooler in the history of South park and was sent to kindergarten at only 3 years old he's in reception class now and smarter than some of the kids in my class oh also Ike isn't my full blood brother we adopted him from Canada as a baby at first I didn't like him and thought he looked like a strange football hence my game kick the baby with him but he's too old for that now and would likly to kick me back but he's a good kid and I know he really loves me and hell I love him once we nearly lost him when his birth parents came to take him home which ment me teaming up with my friends to go to Canada to get him back but least he's going nowhere now and no he's no longer into Dora the explorer that was a phase he went through less said about how that came about the better

My eye couloir ..yeah I know that's a hard one some say I have brown eyes or Hazel but their forest green I take after my mom her eyes are green too Bebe a girl in my class says I have pretty eyes and I do have long eyelashes I got them from my dad

My hair..this is another touchy subject as I know my hair gets a lot of unwanted attention it is true I hate it and if I had my way it be buzzed short all over but my mom would kill me I am a redhead not ginger red ginger is orange and I'm defently not orenge and my eye lashes are dark if I was ginger they'd be ginger too like the Follet kids as their all ginger but my hair is a rich shade of red but it's not the colour I hate as the girl we call Red in our class has the same hair shade as me and she is pretty but it's the fucking style please excuse my swearing yeah I do curse so you have been warned but my hair is like an Afro but cos I'm Jewish it's called a jewfro and I was told a lot of people have one when I went of a family trip years ago it Isreal I seen a few people with the style but they had dark hair and if I didn't keep my hair under controle it be to my shoulders and like a foot or more wide and big my hair has a mind of its own I think and their has been combs lost in it once I walked around with a comb lost in it for like a week and I never felt a thing and it seems to absorb water so washing it is a nightmare takes ages and it goes frizzy too and seems to get bigger for the first 3 years of my life my mom refused to cut my hair and it was long I looked like a fucking girl so now in summer in the months mid or late April to about September I keep it tamed and get it cut so it is shaved down at the back and sides and around my ears and it's left a little curly on top that makes the hair much easer to manage and keeps me cooler yet I think the style looks dumb I'd love to get a Buzz cut get it cropped all over but no chance when I get my annual summer haircut mom comes too and tells the stylest how to cut it but it grows so damn fast and by the Fall it's a thick Afro again but keeps me warm for the winter and Cartman always teases me saying on you know when summer has arrived Kyle gets shorn like a sheep come to think of it he may have a point really oh and another thing I hate people touching my hair and trying to draw attention to it I inherited the hair from my mom but her hair isn't as curly as mine and she has hers under a a rock hard beehive style God knows with the amount of hairspray she uses the ozone layer must be gone now

My friends ...I like to think myself as popular and iv hung around with the same friends for years now I met them in Kindergarten yet I'm told iv known Kenny for longer his dad and mine were friends as kids and our moms are friends and Mrs Mccormick housed to visit bringing baby Kenny even I don't remeber I do have other friends outside the little group I'm with too if your nice I will talk to you but the boys I hang out with the most we have known eachother. Since we were like 5

Stan .. Stan is my super best friend don't ask me how he just is this guy is like my brother and NO were not gay as some people think sure we hug but it's a bro hug Stan has always been their for me and we have done a lot of shit together over the years and I hope one day when we're too old men we can look back fondly on our childhood remebering the things we did but we have had fall outs too even come to blows but we always make up Stan is a great friend to have

Kenny ...Kenny is okay we're friends but not close yet I know we should be as we met as babies mom said that I tried to steal Kenny's teddy bear and he pulled my hair as I was born with a mop of thick curls and Kenny found them fascinating he still does and loves to knock my hat off to see them but something happand with our parents and Kenny stopped coming around and I forgot about him till I met him again at kindergarten he wand I were at the Lego table he was building a house I don't know what I was making and he asked me if I had some spare white bricks and I did and that's how we got talking Kenny has his good points he's a loyal friend and very protective off his younger sister Karen the family are living in poverty and don't have much so Stan and I ushally help him best we can but in a way it is not like charity deep down I worry about Kenny im sort of aware he is abused at home his mom is into drugs but tries her best when she's not stoned and his father is an alacholic and rarly bothers about the kids also Kenny has been in care with his brother and sister too guess I feel sorry for him also he claims that he can't die for some reason and it's weird he has a tomb stone with his name and age on it yet I don't remeber him dying I mean if a friend died you'd be bound to remeber wouldn't you and another thing about Kenny that drives me nuts is he's right into porn he has a huge collection of filthy porn things and knows everything about sex and though he's 10 too a month older than me he's already had sex fuck sake he's perverted

Cartman ..can we pass on him as we'd be here to the year3000 ..what? No ah hell okay here goes what can I say about Cartman antisemetic raciest loves Hitler annoying nasty that's how I'd describe him really he's my enemy and loves to see me suffer he gets high on my pain he's an only child to well has a half brother who's a ginger lol but he killed his own father and made his half brother Scott eat them how sick is that okay the guy was an asshole but he didn't deseirve that I felt sorry for him and lernt you don't mess with Cartman he will feed your parents to you but he's pulled a lot of stunts in his time and has his mom wrapped around his little finger okay his mom may be the lochal whore but Ms Cartmans not that bad and she's always nice to us but Cartmans the biggest asshole on this planet I swear and has pulled a lot of crazy stunts worst one was like trying to start a second Holocaust also he ticked Butters another boy into thinking he was a ghost when we ignored him for stealing the skins off our KFC and making Kenny cry and one time we tricked him and snuck into his house one night and dyed his hair ginger and bleached his skin as he was bulling the ginger kids dumb asshole got all the gingers on his side and lead a hate campaign against us as the thought he'd really turned ginger we told him thr truth in the end and later when the ginger kids found our they kicked his ass but he's done a lot of things and him and I have come to blows too more times than I remeber and once I actully died and I had made a dumb bet with him I'd suck his balls he brought me back to life hoping I'd do it I didn't. Lol but like it our not I have a connection with him his kidney is inside me as one time I was dying really and needed a new kidney and he was the only match so to cut a long story short we ticked him and in the end I got his kidney and in a way he did save my life but dosent mean to say iv to be his friend doubt I'll ever will yet I talk to him so guess its a love hate relationship

Other boys in south park...If you mean the other kids like Craig Tweak Clyde Token and that yeah I get on well with them yet one time I fell out with them as they beat me up that was during the Metrosexual craze cos I stopped being Metro they didn't want me in their school but they apologised later Craig's sister Ruby hangs out with Kenny's sister Karen a lot their ages and are best friends Craig is okay he can be an asshole at times other times okay hos best friend is Tweek a nerviouse young guy he is okay at times but can be scary with the streaks and jerks and shaking they say he's got ADHD and other problems but really I think it's the amount of coffee they pump in him his parents own the coffee shop in town and are always forcing their son to drink it I think he had coffee in his baby bottle instead of milk when he was younger and also it's kind of affected his brain as he sees or claims he sees little gnomes that come in the night and steal his underpants yeah it's true crazy I know but Tweeks okay at times he makes me nerviouse a little being around him with the jerks and shrieks but he's harmless

Token is pretty cool at times but can be an asshole like the time with the Honey BoBoo and Fatty Doo Doo video he used to be the only black kid in town till Nicole moved in but he's the richest kid omg you should see his house it's huge and he lives in the gated community too securaty gaurds but they let me in as they know me also Tokens pretty smart too he's a good kid

Clyde is cool at times too and funny yet one time I have to admit I did feel a little jeliouse off him cos he was voted the hottet guy in school when the girls made a dumb list rating us boys on our looks I came last I was gutted okay I know I'm not the hottest. Kid in school but come on I'm not that bad really I later found out the list was rigged to make Clyde number one cos his dad owns a shoe store and it was Bebe Stephens that rigged it with some of her best friends Wendy found out Bebe has a shoe and purse obbsesion also Bebe pulled a gun on Wendy and got a stunt in Juvinile hall but when she got out her and Wendy made it up I never found out the true list but I heard rumours that I was Hugh up in the top 5 don't think I wanna know really

Timmy and Jimmy ... Thes are my 2 disabled friends that attend our school as our school has an elivater that means kids in wheelchairs and with other disabilities can come too Jimmy is on crutches and has a bad stammer but he's bright enough and a great comedian ong his jokes have me in stiches love this guy Timmy is in a wheelchair he's severily disabled cerable Paulsy and other things and he was very ill at birth had to fight for his life and had fluid on the brain and also all he can say is his name but he's a cook guy he and Jimmy are best friends one time they even joined the Crips thinking it was a gang for disabled people not knowing that it was a dangerous gang but in the end the Cripts accepted them and are now their friends wow

Butters .. Butters is a sweet kid Leopold is his real name he wasent born in the town but moved here when he was like 3 or 4 he's from Hawiii origanly but speaks with a strong southern accent and has a stammer when he's nerviouse but it isn't as bad as it used to be he is the only one apart from the adults that call Cartman Eric and I hate how Cartman takes advantage of the poor kid yet we have been a bit mean to him in the past telling him to get lost and once Kenny gave him a swirly flushed his head down the toilet and another time we were playing at Ninjas we wouldn't let him play do he went home and invented some charecter professior Chaose a bad guy and came back to challenge us but the game got out of hand when we accidently injured him we managed to get weopns really cheap at the county fair and Kenny got a cheap Ninja star and threw it at Butters. Almost knocking his eye out and to make things worse we dressed him as a dog and took him to the vet as if we took him to the hospital well we'd all end up in shit but in the end we apologised to Butters Kenny saved and got him a Hello kitty Plushie as Butters lives Hello Kitty and we became friends again Butters still uses his professor Chaos character when we were playing at super heros I was the human kite and I could fly and shoot lasers out my eyes cool huh

Crap iv ran out of paper now I'll need to make a second chapter well got homework to do for Garrison so I'll get chapter 2 done soon so hope you enjoy cya dude. k.B

Thats that chappy done I wrote it I'd Kyle was writting it lol next one coming soon


	2. Chapter 2

Authors not...again this is a fanfiction written as Kyle"s blog

Hey dues it's me again Kyle here to tell you about me At last I managed to finish the homework that Garrison gave me it was hard but least it's done and buy for the holidays yes you heard correctly Holidays were in he middle of our Easter holidays and Garrison gave us all fucking homework omg I was planning to meet up with the guys and hang with them when they got back from church as them being Catholic Easter is a big deal for them but they gave me a tiny bit of their chocolate Easter egg to eat yummy lol but this brings me to my next subject Teachers yup love them or hate them you need them

Our teacher is Mr Garrison Herbert is his first name I heard the adults call him his first name and he's a bit of an asshole also he's Gay too I don't mind that but he used to have a teachers assistent a mr Slave his sex pet/toy he said who looked like the guy from the band The Village people my dad said he was okay at times but so damn perverted even shocked Kenny the most perverted kid in school fuck sake he put the class Gerbil up his ass poor little creature but at least it's better than that fucking Mr Hat that damn puppet when we were younger he had a stupid puppet for a while then something happand to that and he was replaced by a Mr twig it was a damn stick en eventually Mr slave came and went dunno where he is now he married Big Gay Al and I think their living in town somewhere but do a lot of traveling and have a pink poodle now

Also their was a guy in the school though he wasn't a teacher we all liked him a lot he was the school chef and we called him that Chef he was a big black guy with a heart of gold if any of us had a problem we'd go to him awesome guy he was and his salty balls were yummy that was something he cooked not well anything sexual I know what you readers are thinking and no it's not like that also he loved the ladies and oh boy they loved him he was a really good guy but sadly something terrible happand to him he went on a trip for a but can't remeber where then came back a child molester well he didn't touch us but was making sexual comments to us. It turned out he'd got in with a cult that were into having sex with kids discusting fuck sake but sadly it resulted in Chef's death and after he died new staff came their okay but not the same as Chef he always greeted us with a friendly Hello children which we'd replyed hey chef I really miss him oh also he took us for PE a few times. making us play dodge ball that's when I injured my nose and was sent to nurse Gollum the school nurse

Omg Nurse Gollum her name used to be whisperd in fear as she had a deformity and we treated her if she was worse than the Hunchback of Notra Damn she was origanly ment to be an identical twin and some how something happened to her and her sister in the womb and the twin became attached to the side of her head as a fetus and though she grew into an adult her twin remained a fetus but she just gets on with life and accepted it as if they tried to remove the fetus shed die as they share part of the brain and she's really nice too once mom tried to have a awareness week and it went wrong not sure what happand I wasent their at the time I was with the school and chef we were traveling around playing other schools at Dodgeball

Girls ..well iv nothing against girls their okay but I'm too young really I'm only 10 yet saying that I have dated a little in the past first their was Rebbeca she was a home schooled kid and we got close but after she dressed as a cheap hooker and kissed every male in our class I dumped her she's still around but don't really talk to her much she's dating some other guy now I also dated Bebe a couple of times she's in my class at school and the most developed if the girls she has small breasts and she's only 10 but she can be right bitchy we no longer date but I still talen to her she hangs out with Wendy her best friend and Stan's girlfriend Wendy is okay very smart and into politics she wants to be the first female president one day and I think she will do it her and I are the head kids in the class means we have a little auotharty over the others and they should do as we tell them when teachers not around but do they yeah do they hell but Wendy is okay we get on well the other girl I did date for a bit and were still good friends is Nicole but she's with Token too Cartman forced her into his arms saying a raciest comment Blacks belong together fuck sake that's so raciest Nicole can date anyone she wants but their an item now and were still friends we did have a few good times Nicole and me but mom wants me to marry a nice Jewish girl and i have to say their is a girl at the synagog that I like Hannah she's nice her dads a doctor and her brothers at university also studying medicine mom likes her too but I think I will choose my own girlfriends when the time comes girls are okay and I'm past the eweeoo girl cootie stage but just now I predate to hang out with the boys and no harm to the girls all they talk about is pop stars movie stars shoes clothes accessories shopping purses making dumb lists and going to that secret club of theirs Rainbow and sparkles I think it's called Stan got in once when he was finding out about that list but the time will come for girls but Kennys into them already lol

School holidays ...yes I could talk about holidays all day love them no school or having to see Cartman yet he tags along I'm currently on Easter break just now okay as I said I don't celebrate Easter or Xmas but still get the holidays off school I think the summer ones are my Faveriout 7 long weeks of freedom ushally it means chilling out with the others we do get sunny weather in South park not just snow all year round but in the hot weather we love to go swimming and camping at Starks pond and we bring tents and stay away from home for days but we call our parents to let them know we're okay but we have had some messed up holidays like the time Stan took us all Zip lining that went bad and I ended up in hospital also we have been to the mountians a few times with Jimbo he's cool and so his his friend and we have been further afield too a few times but in the summer nothing beats going camping at Starks pond but I have to becarefull or I'll get sunburned Also innthe past I have been to Isreal too finding out about my ancestors and meeting my family their and dare I say iv been to New Jersey urgh

New Jersey ...yeah okay though I was born in South park I was conceived and for the first few weeks if life inside my mom I lived in Jersey so I hate saying this I have Jersey shore blood in me but it dosent come out unless I'm around other Jersey people I found this out not long ago when people from Jersey invaded out town and all hell broke loose they attacked Mrs Marsh Stan's mom in the lochal hair salon where she'd gone to get her hair done that day but my mom saved her and acted like one of the Jersey assholes as I call them shocking everyone so innthe end mom told everyone she was born and brought up in New Jersey and I started acting all weird they came in October and it was like winter in town and I went and got my all hair cut off into to my summer style and gelled it all even got my ears pierced the holes closed now also shaved my eyebrows shaping them dunno what came over me I shocked myself till mom told me the horrific news that I'm really from Jersey talk about a slap to the face I even scared Ike and mom went more Jersey looking than me with the fake tan and that fuck sake she explaned indeed I do have polish blood in me as we're all are origanly from Polland and some of us fled to the US to escape the Nazies during the war and most of us settled in New York but over time the family spread and went to diffrent parts of the US and my grandparents went to New Jersey but mom said at the time it was a lovely place those Jersey Guidos and Guidoetts or what ever their called only arrived a few years ago and ruined the place but mom became one a past that she's not proud off but now they left South Park the town has gone back to normal and their is no traces of them left but I have been to Jersey to visit family thankfully their not like those assholes that came but their still their hope they stay their so I try to hide my Jersey side and if anyone asks I say I'm from South park and I don't like talking about. new Jersey

Diabeties ...yeah I'm class A diabetic I was diagnose as a toddler and I have to take insulin every day plus mesure my suger and that means a lot of shots but it's worth it and I attend the hospital once a month as an out patient so everyone knows me their I think I might have been born with it dunno but I was less than 2 when I was diagnosed I almost died I was so ill mom says and went into a coma and was in hospital for weeks fighting for my life coverd in tubes hooked to machines but once they found out what was wrong with me and treated me I got well real quickly so now I have to watch what I eat and measure my suger leavel as it could kill me taking insulin is second nature to me and seeing my friends faces when I jab myself is funny their like OMG how can you do that dosent that hurt I'm like nope and I'm used to it also it means I can't eat candy or that but I can eat a tiny bit of chocolate like one square every so often once a week maybe so I can get a little bit of their Easter eggs but I do eat the diabetic candy it's okay and when it comes to cakes and that mom makes them so I can eat them so I can live a normal full life but I do have other health problems too

Health .. Though I'm quite healthy I like to think I have my diabetes under controle iv had a few brushes with death iv had kidney failure and needed a new Kidney I'm more prone to colds and flues somehow oh I got chicken pox really bad it landed me in hospital as I was so ill with them think that was the worst and being a typical kid iv had bumps scrapes and bruises but just now I'm feeling fine

Crazes ...Oh God theirs been a lot of mad crazes in South park we've been caught up in worst I think was the Metrosexual craze that swept the entire country their was a show on TV a few years back called Queer eye for the straight guy and it was about these gay guys running around giving straight guys make overs and straight guys acting gay well it took off in south ark and Stan Kenny and Cartman got swept up along with all the other guys in town even our dads fuck sake I wasent in with it as I dress for comforts and it was the middle of winter and freezing cold they were dressed for a July heatwave and in the end they forced me to go metro worst day of my life I looked stupid then at school Craig's gang also went metro and our gang and his gang were fighting over who was the gayest so in the end I quit being metro and Tuckers gang beat me up and Stan turned his back on me in the end we found out that the queer eye people, we're really Crab people they'd kiddnapped the real queer eyes guys do the craze ended the other craze was Pokemon that caused world war 3 nearly but crazes come and go so guess waiting to find out what the next one will be

Internet ...yeah I am quite active online and I am in a few websites you can find me on Twitter Skype Facebook Tumbler Devantart Fanpop Tried Instergram don't like it and though I'm not a meber I am aware of Fanfiction net that's where I read stories about myself fuck sake what is wrong with you people having me as a teenage raving homosexual for Stan I'm 10 years old and straight I have no intrest in Stan and he's pissed at these stories too honestly I should report you all but I won't as I'm not a meber but I'm more active on Slype as I can talk using the webcam and see what everyone's up to and all my family and friends are on their too even Cartman he's been blocked and unblocked more times that I remeber lol as for online games yeah I enjoy that too I like World of Warcraft and mine craft but games like second life or in worlds I'm too young to play and also I enjoy playing with my iPad apps too I'm onto my new iPad Air 2 and I game Kenny my old iPad he loves that and i have my iPhone and my Xbox 1 and PSP so play a lot on that so I do love my modern gadgets and talking about Internet I really have to put this blog on line too ran out of paper again goddamn it urgh so cya dude I'll be back soon K B

Thats that chappy done next chappy up soon again this is a fanfiction not a real Kyle blog lol


	3. Chapter 3

Hey Dudes it's Kyle here again with an update on this blog thingy oh another thing if I call you dude it's just me being friendly I call everyone dude even girls so don't take offence it's my way of greeting you okay

First I have to say I can believe how fast the holidays have flown buy seems like Yesterday we were just breaking up now we go back day after tomorrow omg my freedom has come to an end back to old Garrison and school can't say back to Catman as I have seen him over the holidays and I seen him today I thought today was gonna be a nightmare it was time for the annual summer haircut yup omg I was dreading it at first but now getting used to it yet i was itchy for a while and my wild fro is gone shaved down to a number 2 at the back and sides and around my ears but left a little curly on top wow the pile of hair that hit the floor you could stuff a pillow with and still have enough left over but worst thing was they put fucking hairspray on it I told the stupid girl no hair spray and she puts loads on now my heads itchy I'm gonna wash it later but mom came to the salon with me to make sure I didn't come home with a Buzz cut lol also Stan and Kenny came along too and worse luck Cartman he was making damn jokes comparing me to a sheep as sheep get sheared in spring / summer about the same time I get my haircut but I swear to god I wanted to punch his stupid fat face in but I just say their ignoring him but Stan and Kenny said I looked good and though I was kinda dreading it as up to today over the winter my hair was keeping me warm now it's all gone I'm exposed to the cold but I think it looks good and iv had the style lots of times so I kinda like it it will take a few days to get used to it being so short I guess but by September it will be long again grows so dam fast might need it cut again in a few weeks but Cartman was filming me saying dumb thinks and here is our little sheep Kyle going to be shorn not feeling too Baaaaaaed are you he said he's gonna post it to You tube he fucking better not or he'll be spitting out his teeth but later mom treated us to ice cream and I got sugar free ice cream and we went to the park but Cartman never got any for insulting me so he was in a bad mood and stormed off some where moaning becouse he didn't get any ice cream well he shouldn't have insulted me then serves him right but gonna grab a shower and wash this hairspray out of my hair as its so itchy and a few hairs have gone down the back of my top and making me itch so now I have my summer haircut just hoping the weather will get warmer but it was sunny today and we didn't need or jackets but their is still snow on the mountians yet they always have snow on them come to think of it even if the town is sweltering in a heatwave but it won't be long to the summer another few more weeks can't wait so excuse my ramblings this isn't a diary just a few bare facts about me I guess and the town I live in

Yeah everyone thinks we're all a bunch of backward redneck hicks and that pisses me off big time their is a lot of smart people in town maybe I like to think myself as one of them but their is a lot of poverty too and not long ago a trailer park set up the people that live their OMG their worse than Kenny and Kenny is very poor but that trailer park is a no go area really drug dealers hookers gangs you name it their on the bad side of town sadly where Kenny is but Kenny can handle himself he's a damn good fighter and he's got friends from that area too but he'd love a house near us and his sister wants a house with stairs in it like we have but our town is small I guess but we have everything we need in it and though this place is my home one day I would love to travel o far I have been to Isreal New York New Jersey and Denvier a couple of times but I wanna travel around the US even Europe and go to Polland see where my family came from

Fanart ..OMFG that's all I have to say really was brousing a site called Devantart or what ever it's called and I seen drawings that is ment to be me some are fucking shocking and what's with all the fan pairings like Style for Stan and me or K2 or dare I say fucking Kayman are you people sick out their fuck sake me kissing Cartman theirs a better chance of an astaroid like the one that killed the dinosaurs hitting the planet tomorrow than me kiss Cartman fuck sake you people I fucking hate Cartman get that into your dumb heads okay we're enimes and the art giving me straight hair come on my hair has never been straight it's always been curly it's still a bit curly now even though it's all been cut back I will never have straight hair unless I got it relaxed with one of those straightening perms or what ever they are but I'd rather get it buzzed and why am I always drawn as the short one the cute tiny one Kennys smaller than me he reaches my shoulder Stan is a little smaller than me too Cartman used to be a bit taller till I took a growth spurt now I'm about a couple of inches taller that pissed him off lol but iv seen a lot of the fanart and I'm not happy with it and what's with these Ask accounts people role playing me I'm the only Kyle Broflovski these people know nothing about me really same with Twitter people pretending to be me urgh that pisses me off big time and I already had my rant about my thoughts about fanfictions stop pairing me up with Stan for fuck sake will you and don't even bother pairing me up with the others too and another thing that makes me so fucking damn mad their seems to be a lot of stories with Cartman and me set during the war with me as the Jewish prisnor in the camps and Cartman is a Nazie that takes advantage of me and iv seen some set in the style to the movie The Boy in the stripped Pajamas im the Jewish kid in it and Stans the German kid and fuck sake he breaks into the camp and has sex with me yes I have read the story on Devantart Forrbidden Friendship and the person who wrote it knows who she is she has a little south park icon ( that's me lol ) as I said before the Holocaust is a very painful subject for me and I don't want my face rubbed in it fuck sake I wasent even born in the 40s and whist on my rant about the Internet this is aimed at carman ...STOP POSTING FUCKING VIDEOS OF ME and editing them to make out I'm making out with Stan or I'll post that video of you having a tea party with your dumb dolls asshole he is I do have a you Tube account but I don't use it much and I have poseted one or two things up maybe Stan and I messing around at Starks pond also posted Kenny showing off sliding down a hill in winter and he fell you can hear us laughing and Kenny flips us off but not posted anything in a while really

Modern Gadgets ..I do like my gadgets yeah I have my play station Xbox 1 also a Nintendo 3ds my iPod iPad IPhone and a cam corder but if I'm not out playing in my free time I'm ushally on the PC but mom is always on at me to go out and play get the fresh air which I do I'm always out playing somewhere with the guys even on bitter cold winter days when it's snowing think Starks pond is the best place to hang out also love to go and shoot some hoops at the basketball court then later head to Sizzlers the best stake house in town

Hobbies ..yeah I have a few hobbies I guess my Faveriout is my video games can I say that lol also don't laugh I like reading you can learn a lot from reading also love doing sports and swimming I can hold my breath the longest underwater and I'm a real good swimmer I could swim from the age of 5 my dad taught me and hanging out with my friends and in the summer we do go swimming in Starks pond

Temper ...yeah I admit I do have a bit of a temper but I usually can keep it under controle unless someone like Catman pisses me off but I have lost it a few times with the others too even coming to blows with Stan everyone says I'm a fiery redhead and also my New Jersey background adds to it but I'd say that's bullcrap my hair colour and background has nothing to do with it I just dont stand for people taking the piss out me I'm normally a quiet smart kid and I like to think I'm fair I give people a chance and if they need help I will help them also I'm a good listener too if you have a problem and need a friend to listen to you and offer support well here I am but don't fuck with me I won't stand for that you piss me off and I swear I'll make you sorry you will be picking your teeth off the ground and Cartman loves to piss me off he makes me loose my temper the most he irritates me and even Kenny sometimes with his perverted ways one time I had to go and drag him out if that damn Rasins a restrant like Hooters with all these slutty girls in it throwing themselfs at the customers for money Butters was dumb enough to get involved with one of them a couple of years back Stan had broke up with Wendy and we took him their not knowing much about the place and we seen all these girls not much older than us dressed like mini hookers and their faces caked in make up and flirting with us and Butters thought one girl was like coming on to him and she was just being nice to him so he'd leave her a huge tip so he kept going back and spending all his money their buying the girl presents flowers chocolates stuffed toys and she wasent intersted in him and he thought she was his girlfriend in the end he seen sense and they broke up but now it's Kenny that has a thing for them and he's been banned twice one time I had to go and drag him out of their he landed me one on the jaw said I was interfering and that I was doing it to protect Kenny God sake yeah of your my friend and in trouble I will protect you dare I say even protected Cartman a few times too but he's still an asshole

Terrance and Philip ..Oh God love these guys their 2 Canadian comedians and celebraties that have been on the scene for years their on TV all the time and their shows are always re shown I have seen them all I think and have all their merchandise and met them twice first time was when Stan and the guys and I saved their lives my dumb mom wanted them dead and declared war on Canada but we saved them then we met them a year or two later at Earth day we promised the town they'd come not knowing due to personal problems they'd split up Terrance was on his own and he looked terrible he was overweight and not as funny and hated Philip who was in drama company's doing serious acting but in the end we got them back together and they started doing new stuff and Terrance shed the weight and they wrote a best selling book Behind the blow that was about their childhood growing up getting together early fame and that but their still doing really well and have married now can't beleive their in their 50s omg but great act and I hope they are still around in years to come

Pets ..well at the moment I don't have any well kinda share Stan's dog Sparky I used to have an Elephant years ago but cos it was too big I had to give it to the zoo so I sponser it now Cartman used to have a little pig and we were gonna crossbreed them to get mini Elephants one I could keep in the house but that idea never got off the ground I wouldn't mind a pet a dog or cat as I said I do play with Sparky at times also Kenny did have a cat but it ran away as it wasent being fed and Cartman has a cat called Mr Kitty he treats that little cat like shit at times and also Craig has a guinea pig iv only seen it once a sort of tan brown colour and a white stripe on her back yet during the Metro craze he did take to carring a pink poodle for a while dunno who the dog belonged to but he gave it away also Butters has Gerbils so during the holiday he takes the class Gerbil home how it survived after being stuffed up Mr Slaves ass is a miracle if you ask me we were all sure it would have died up their also once Butters became a pet himself Mr bear he was Paris Hiltons pet for a bit lol that was funny and that reminds me we have had a lot of celebraties stay in our town in the past most memorable one I have to say was Michael Jackson lol

He came posing as a Mr Jefforson with his young son and befriended us boys we thought he was creepy and tried to avoid him but Carman loved him and we took pity on Blanket as his dad hardly botherd with him he had a theme park in the back Garden a mini Neverland and invited all the kids in the town over and Blanket his young som fell over scrapping his knee and it was me that had to tend to him in the end he moved away with Blanket he was a nice kid then we heard Michael died and his damn spirit took over the body of Ike fuck sake that was hell he even wanted to do one of those dumb kiddie beauty pageants and that was fucking horrendous all these adults forcing their little girls some only 3 to flirt with judges and that and they had cheek implants dyed hair fucking sick their babies fuck sake thank God when Ike came to himself he was like WTF so we don't talk about it now and the pink glitz dress he wore was handed into a thrift store but we have had a lot of famous names in town and were hoping many more will visit

PSP vs Xbox 1 .. oh god that was around the time of Black Friday everyone wanted the PSP or Xbox and we played it out Game of thrones style I was a Elf King Stan was Human Cartman was a Wizard Kenny was a princess and betrayed us by switching sides also we faked a wedding at Red Robin as their was a door that opend into the mall so we would use that to get into the mall first and I swear to God it was like Amageddon that day they released a dumb talking Elmo doll and their was riots for it some said it was worse than the Cabbage Patch doll riots of the 80s but people died in those riots we eventually got what we wanted and left but that led us later playing a game called Stick of truth and fucking Kenny betrayed us all of us again fucking asshole she or I should say HE said he was on his period fuck sake he's a dude and dosent get one but we forgave him we didn't talk to him for a week though again it was loosely based on Game of thrones as we were into that then but not as much now guess we go though all kinds of crazes really even in our games one time we were playing Lord of the rings another time we were playing at being space men in Cartmans mom"s minivan well I was a Vulcan so it was Star Trek I think but I'm not as bad as the kids that are playing it all the time lol that's another thing I noticed in the town how everyone goes off into their own little groups

Their is us guys Stan myself Kenny and Cartman with Butters sometimes if he's not going off with his friends then theirs Craig's gang that has Tweek sometimes Jason Token Clyde and one or two others then theirs Timmy and Jimmy their always together then the girls their always together too then the other kids we have the Goths their just weird Stan tried being Goth once lasted a week then the new group the Vamps or wanna be Vamps they appeared round about the time the Twilight movies were huge Butters became vamp for a while and no they don't go around biting people then theirs the geeks into computers and science and that and love yeah love homework urgh then the Trekies the kids I mentioned earler also they love comics too and are obbsessed with Star Trek and wanting beamed up every 5 seconds then the gingers the true gingers no one really bothers with them I have spoke to them a few times in the past their okay and the ugly kids no one bothers with them too feel kinda sorry for them and i befriended them and they all have their own hangout place too the Goths are round the back of the school where it's shaded and dark they like it their but they block the fire escape and if the worst was to happen fuck sake you'd fall over them in a mad rush to get out

The vamps are in the school Gym they sit their and chat Butters told me as they were chased away from the fire escape by the Goths

Craig"s gang mostly hang out in the main playground with us the girls they are also in the playground or sometimes in the toilets Timmy and Jimmy also hang out near us the Geeks are in the Libaery or computer room the Trekies are over at the playing fields and the ugly kids and gingers are round the side of the school inn he shade but I guess every school has its groups ours does

Writters block ... Well that's what I have just now guess I told you a lot about myself but if I think of more I will let you know and anyway I have to go Stan is downstairs just now so I will get back to this so cya soon dudes KB

And like Kyle I have a bit of writters block but I will leave this story open and add more chapters too it in time and I was the one that wrote Forbidden friendship so made Kyle have a go at me lol but more will be added to this story in time so enjoy and again it is a fanfiction


	4. Chapter 4

Hey Dudes it's Kyle here again back at school now and came up with a couple of more things to add to my blog thingy I still say its a dumb idea and Stan is like ..Oh hey Kyle how are you getting on with that blog thing is it up ..so I was like yeah I posted a few things but kida got writters block just now been wracking my brains but came up with something's so here goes

First of all were now back at school Easter is over but counting the days to the summer break can't wait 7 long blissful weeks yey but knowing our luck come September we will be hit with Garrison for another year worse luck think he's the only one that can Handel us after we killed our last teacher well as I said killed we didn't really do it we thought we did it that was miss Chokesondick yeah that was her name a fat middle aged woman with boobs at her feet she was an asshole

What happend was it was around the time Cartman was into these little sea people he thought he'd start a kingdom of sea people and become their king at first nothing happand and he felt pissed then we thought we'd put them in the teacher's coffee for a laugh and well she died and to save our asses from being found out we sneaked into the morgue to get the sea people back and they said the doctors and that they'd found seamen in her stomock we panicked big time but to cut a long story short Chef explaned that our sea people didn't kill old Chokesondick it was another type of seamen but that craze didn't last the sea people some how mixed with seamen took on a life of eir own even built things. In the tank like a city and little staues one to Cartman the other side built a Staue of Tweek believing them to be Gods then war broke out and they bombed eachother smashing the tank and they all died so that was the end of that but it was fun when it lasted that was the time we started hanging around with Tweek Kenny Vanished for a while dunno where he went he claimed he died and showed us his headstone but I don't remeber that weird seeing the headstone when the person is standing next to you alive and well but we hung out with Butters for a bit then Tweek then Kenny came back and he's been with us ever since just being Kenny I guess

But Stan gave me a list of a few things I could mention like the Adults in thr town ...Oh god they are crazy at times theirs our parents their okay then the teachers. Their assholes some of them even I'm smarter bet I could do their job and I'm only 10' oh also theirs another strange being in the town. did I tell you a talking towel yeah you heard right a towl that talks ...Anyway his names Towlie he's okay but he's into drugs and always getting high and apears when we talk about going swimming and in his dumb squeaky voice ..Don't forget to bring. Towel also he claimed the Goverment made him and we got caught up in his shit a few years ago they knew that Towlie hung out with us and thought we were friends I can't fucking stand him he's an ass but whist we were at school the damn Goverment break into to Stan's house and steal our beloved Games sphere something that we all owned and we had to go through Hell to get it back and we got caught up in Towlies shady world but now the games sphere is in a closet as we're more into our play stations and x boxes but we still have it and another person or being I forgot to mention is a little buddy of mine Mr Hankey

Mr Hankey is beleive it or not a talking Turd we see only at Xmas Mr Hankey the Xmas poo is his full name me being Jewish well we don't go in for the Santa clause thing like the others do I beleive that Mr Hankey comes up from the sewers where he lives then comes in to your home via your toilet leaves presents and leaves he travled along the sewer system and he dosent care what your beleifs are Christan Jewish Muslim he will come to you and it turns out he is a friend of Santa also Mr Hankey is married with kids now really nice family

Jesus ..yep I know Jesus too and he's a cool guy he's visited our town a few times carman thinks he looks like a hippie flowing robes long hair beard and that but he's cool and he takes no shit off anyone but also with Jesus you get Satin and he's come to town too he's a asshole and Gay too he's sleeping with Saddam Husane or was they have a love hate relationship Kenny claimed he's been to Hell a few times and he kinda Liked it said he'd seen a lot of not naked pole and lap dancers trust Kenny that boy has sex on his mind 24/7 but least it's better than the cheesing

For those who don't know what cheesing is well let me tell you a few years ago their was a craze going around town mostly teenagers getting high on male cat urine they showed the cat images of other cats to make it angry and the person stood behind the cat and it peed in their face. Well we were dumb enough to try it and made Kenny the guinea pig fuck sake bad move Kenny was out of it he lay in the corner whooting for a bit then he got up took off all his clothes and ran around naked then out the door we had to chase after him down the street then he turned on us when we tried to bring him back and beat the shit outta Cartman but it was our fault Kenny became hooked on cheesing and worse I found out the craze had been on the go for years back in the 70s my dad did it before he met my mom and he cheesed again also he made a law banning the ownership of cats then a few days later im told he's in the play park beating the crap out of Kenny who's also hight Cartman had been hiding cats in his loft and Kenny found them in the end dad got help and he hasent cheesed since and we bullied Kenny into going cold Turkey yet he has got high on other things Kenny is a sweet guy but he's an asshole at times he burned down the old school Libaery by smoking thought he'd out the cigarette fully out but he didn't and threw it in a trash pail and it set fire to some paper yet we burned down the schooll smoking once so can't get on at Kenny for that also he sniffs paint and glue im always trying to keep him on the straight and narrow and yeah I know once I said that he wasent my friend and I didn't give a rats for him that was to get out at staying over at his place during the chickenpox party mom sent me to but yeah Kenny is one of my good friends and I care a lot about him and I don't want him doing crazy shit but I guess I care for all my friends and yeah part of me does like Cartman if anything happend to him fuck sake I'd miss him who'd I have to argue with love hate relationship with him and I had to slap him on the arm a few times today for sleeping in class he'd been getting up around 11am during the holidays. lazy lump that's nearly all the morning gone and becouse were back at school now means 7 am rises but I'm ushally awake before 7 so is Stan were up around 6 am and playing on line but my parents get up at 7am so I let them lie in before going downstairs ushally I like to have a routine in the morning and I follow it

6am ... Wakes up goes on PC to talk to Stan or watch you tube or play games

7 am ... gets washed and dressed heads down stairs takes insulin and sees to other medication

7.30... has breakfast then brushes teeth

8am... Tidies up helps mom in kitchen cheakcs everything is ready for school

8 20 ...leaves for school meets others at bus stop to get bus to school

830...in school grounds playing till lessons begin

8.45 ...goes in school to start school day

3\. Pm ...End of school day gets bus's and goes home

3.10pm ...arives home starts homework

4pm ..goes on line talks to friends

5pm ..dinner

6pm ..goes out to play with friends

8pm ..comes in has a bath and a snack

9m.. watches a little tv with parents

10pm .. Puts on Pajamas on brushes teeth goes to bedroom

10.10pm ...if on watches Terrance and Philip otherwise plays on Xbox or play station

11pm ...asleep

Yeah so that's my routine oh it ifs the weekend or holiday I spend my spare time with Stan Kenny and Cartman oh and a Friday my family celebrate the Jewish sabbath so we fast well I'm aloud to eat cos I'm diabetic and Saturday we to to the synagogue but after that I hang out with the others like they do on a Sunday whey of to church iv been in their church and they have been in my synagog but their all invited to my Bar Mitzvah well Cartman dunno about him yet knowing him if I invited him he'd start doing antisemetic things so maybe it's best he'd stay away as I plan to invite my great great aunt Ruth she was in the camps she still lives in Polland but we can fly her over but Stan and Kenny will defently come they do show an intrest in my beleifs and I show an intrest in theirs even making my self an hounery Christan a few times like when I wanted to take First holy Communion but I couldn't lol but I still went along and seen them take theirs and Stan still moans about the white suit he was made wear and the girls looked like mini brides fancy white dresses updo hairstyles and veils and tiaras but have to say they looked pretty but Clyde kept scratching at his neck and his mom told him off a few times that was before she died

Yeah Clyde lost his mom recently he blames himself for her death really weird way to die he left the toilet seat up and she got sucked in it should have been on that show 1000 ways to die but she was nice that woman she was Dutch too and moved to SP married Mr Donavan and went onto have Clyde he still is manager of the shoe store at the mall and every Saturday you can see the girls their noses pressed against the window ooohing and ahhhhing over the shoes and purses and that's how they rigged that list to make him best looking boy in school but at the time he gave everyone Lice the girls hated him lol god no wonder that was a nightmare that lice outbreak I still scratch now thinking about it and we lost Kenny for a friend for a while as we blamed him or Cartman did

Theird been a bad lice outbreak at a neighbouring school and it spread to here so we were all rounded up in the Gym to get our hair examined as it was winter I still had my full fro and it took ages for the nurse to go through it as it was so thick and deep but eventually I was clean my hair was okay but one of the kids was found to have lice but they didn't say who so naturally we blamed eachother I even blamed Stan and he blamed me so Cartman desided to have his own tests to see who had them but rigged the test so it give a false reading and blame Kenny so we all ganged up on poor Kenny and caught him we dragged him to Starks pond and gave him a sock bath we were all so pissed at him and Kenny was really upset and this was winter bear in mind we then stripped him naked so he was freezing threw his clothes in Starks pond and tried to wash him down and then we planned to throw him in but someone told Garrison and he saved Kenny"s ass and said we all ended up with lice it spread even the girls got it lol they were horrified we did later found outfit was Clyde it started it but our parents were omg fuming Stan got his hair cut well trimmed and was not allowed out for a week. I got my fro all cut off into my summer style I was fucking freezing but poor Kenny ended up getting his head shaved to a close buzz cut by his dad but our hair later grew back and for a week Kenny didn't talk to us he's still kinda touchy on that subject so don't mention it if around him lol

But basicly I think our towns a basic normal town really call us backwards rednecks if you want to but that's us and sure some crazy shit goes on but maybe a lot of crazy shit happens in every town even your own if you look around. You but still I do admitt South park is okay it's my home and though we do have crime in the town theirs worse places than ours like the city's they can get rough so maybe a backwards town has its points and we do have our high points too like the County Fair some call it a Gala day and that is the biggest event of the year held throuought the month of June early July and it's the highlight of the summer

The events are lead by a County Fair King and Queen and attendents 2 princesses 2 princes that are guarded by the scouts their ushally kids aged between 11 to 12 picked from the school and it's a huge big deal for them they lead a parade through town in a horse and carrage are dressed in fancy clothes get their hair done also get slap up meals and attend all the events and that and they get trophies to keep and vouchers too. I wouldn't mind being County fair King when im older but your pushed I to the limelight Im not really for that but lots go on at the county fair theirs a huge parade with floats trucks all decorated with people on them also people in costumes walking beside them marching bandstand the town is always decorated with banners balloons flowers and flags and the parade winds its way to a large feild where a huge stage has been set out with a red carpet leading to it and a large VIP tent so the royal court as we call the king and queen and attendents go in their also the fairground is their lots of side stalls people selling stuff from their car trunks like a giant yard sale charity stalls the farmers market turns up and other events happen too on that day sports events for the kids compitions theirs a DJ that plays music all day hot air balloon rides face painting also musicians and celebrities sometime s turn up pony rides and loads of other events and it lasts all year really as the royal part have to do loads of stuff thought the year I think Stan would make a good County Fair king and it's the mayor who sponserd it and yeah it's true our mayor does have odd colour hair she dyed it Wendy has her own thoughts about it though she wants to be Mayor one day then go o to be president Wendy's into politics in a big way i don't really bother much as I'm kinda too young but my dad is into them and so is Ike but that's Ike he's strange at times

Well guess I'll call this a day for just now I will get back to it but need to tackle my home work first day back hit with homework already urgh but soon as its done then the more time I have to myself so catch you all later dudes cya K B

Thats that chappy done I'll add more later the County fair is based on my Towns Gala day and their used to be hot air balloon rides but not been in. 3 years so will add more when I can think of more again this is all a fanfiction


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